Hello and welcome to my press conference previewing the 2024 college football season. With so many drastic changes happening at once, I thought some of you might need an introduction to everything from the realignment to the bigger College Football Playoffs to new coaches at Alabama and Michigan, and more.
To ask the questions, I assembled a room full of college football fans who went to bed sometime in late 2019 and woke up sometime this week.
Stuart Mandel*Presses microphone* Shoot.
Who is playing where now?
Texas fan: Sorry, did I just say there was more realignment? Did we end up with the Pac-16 after all?
Mandel: No, buddy, you’re in the SEC now, and so is Oklahoma.
Texas A&M Fan: WhatYou’ve got to be kidding me. …but I’m pretty sure our multi-national champion Jimbo Fisher will defeat Bivo.
Mandel: About that, you paid $75 million to fire him last year. But wait, Mike Elko is back. He’s been at Duke the last two years. He beat Clemson 28-7.
Clemson fan: We lost by 3 goals to Duke? Does this mean Nick Saban is retiring and Dabo Swinney is moving to Alabama?
Mandel: Saban an act He’s retired, but no, Dabo is still at Clemson. Like you, he’s still following the transfer window. Alabama signed Kalen DeBoer.
The whole room: from?
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Mandel: He led Washington to the national championship game last year.
Utah fan: Hey, at least we got him out of the Pac-12.
Mandel: Oh my God. I figured this was going to come up at some point. You guys are not going to believe this, but the Pac-12 is gone. The Power 5 is now the Power 4. Remember how Larry Scott ruined the Pac-12? Well, they somehow managed to replace him with an even worse negotiator.
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USC Fan: I knew it! I knew the day would come when the mighty Trojans would become independent.
Mandel: In fact, you and UCLA have gone to the Big Ten. You have conference games at Minnesota and Maryland this year and a home game on Friday night against Rutgers.
Oregon fan: A-Ha! then He was West Coast Kings now. Let the ducks peck.
Mandel: No, you and the Huskies are in the Big Ten, too. But you get half the money the other teams get. The Big Ten is an 18-team conference now with no divisions. Pray for a tiebreaker. Utah, Colorado, Arizona and Arizona State made it to the Big 12.
Cal Van: I neglected to mention my beloved Bears and those idiots at Stanford, who were definitely invited to the Big Ten as well.
Mandel: No, you’re in ACC.
Stanford fan: It’s a joke, right? All the teams in this league are located in the Eastern Time Zone.
Mandel: Well, there’s one center now too. SMU.
SMU fan: What? That’s amazing! Then you’re going to tell me it’s legal to buy a Trans-Am for a kid.
Mandel: Yes, that’s true, but that’s a different story.
Oregon State Fan: Sorry, but I didn’t hear our name or Washington State’s name.
Mandel: You’re still in the Pac-12. You’re the only two left. You’ll still wear the badges, but you’ll play half your games against the Mountain West for the next two years.
Boise State Fan: This is weird. Are they playing for the Pac-12 Championship or the Mountain West Championship?
Mandel: Neither. They are essentially independents. Which of course means they are ineligible for one of the automatic berths in the College Football Playoff.
Jake Dickert remains the head coach at Washington State, where he will lead his team against Oregon State, the remaining Pac-12 member, as well as Washington in the Apple Cup and several Mountain West teams. (Photo: Thearon W. Henderson/Getty)
Good news: Everyone has a (theoretical) chance to make the postseason!
Notre Dame fan: Automatic berths? Are you telling me you have to win a conference now to make the playoffs? Notre Dame has never done that before, never I played at a conference.
Mandel: In fact, I played one season in the ACC in 2020. … Oh right, I slept all 2020. Lucky you. But thanks for reminding me. I buried the intro! Guys, the CFP now has 12 teams! Not four, not six, not eight. Twelve! Can you believe it?
Alabama fan: Who cares? We’ll still win the championship every year.
Mandel: In fact, Michigan beat you in the semifinals last year.
Ohio State Fan: Yes, because they cheated!
Mandel: Don’t worry my friend, your team hasn’t defeated them since you last woke up.
The whole room: What?
Mandel: Back to the play-offs. 12 teams participate in these matches. The top four league champions qualify automatically and get a bye from the first round. The rest of the teams play a first round match in the third week of December. Do you have any questions?
Tulane fan: You said there are four of the best teams in the tournament, but you said before that there are only four of the best teams in the tournament now. Do you mean that there is a fifth team that qualifies automatically?
Mandel: Yes! The highest ranked team in Group 5 also qualifies automatically.
UCF Fan: Oh, now Do they do that?
Mandel: Hey, you’re in the Big 12 now. If you win, you’re in. No fake banners needed.
Michigan fan: Speaking of banners, I heard we won one last year. I assume we gave Michigan gentleman Jim Harbaugh a big new contract?
Mandel: No, he’s back in the NFL now. And that’s probably for the best. Turns out he’s not a fan of “following the rules,” so the NCAA banned him from college until 2072. But don’t worry. You promoted Sherron Moore.
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The whole room: from?
Mandel: Guys, focus. This is a very big playoff. I have a lot to tell you: The first round matches will be played at home on December 20 and 21. How cool is that? Team 5 will host team 12, team 6 will host team 11, and so on.
Florida State Fan: Oh! Assuming my team went 13-0 and somehow finished in fifth place, would we play the Liberty at Doc Campbell Stadium?
Mandel: Ah… well, this is where it starts to get confusing, so listen carefully. The top four seeds are not necessarily Teams ranked No. 1, No. 2, No. 3 and No. 4 by the committee. These are the four highest ranked teams. Conference ChampionsSo, let’s say Oklahoma State wins the Big 12, but has 10 wins and 3 losses and is ranked 12th. It would still be the 4th seed.
Georgia fan: So if my team, for example, is up 12-1 in the SEC Championship Game, but loses… will we be the ones playing Liberty in two weeks, while Oklahoma State gets a month off?
Mandel: Exactly! That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
Oklahoma State Fan: Hey, that’s great for us. When is our home game?
Mandel: You won’t get one. You’ll move directly to the quarterfinals, which will be played in the traditional six-bowl series on New Year’s Day, Dec. 31 (Fiesta) and Jan. 1 (Peach, Rose, Sugar).
Penn State Fan: Question: If we win the Big Ten, will we still be able to go to the Rose Bowl?
Mandel: Hahahaha! Penn State won the Big Ten. That’s good. But yeah, when possible, the committee will seed the top four using the traditional tiebreakers between the conference and the tournament. If the SEC champion finishes first, it goes to the Sugar Bowl, the Big Ten to the Rose Bowl, and so on.
Miami fan: Oh, so if we win the ACC Championship, we’ll get to stay home for the Orange Bowl.
Mandel: Hahahaha! Miami wins the Atlantic Coast Championship. Good thing. But not this year, because the Orange and Cotton Bowls are hosting the semifinals.
Oklahoma fan: Awesome! We love spending New Year’s in South Florida.
Mandel: No, the Quarter-finals Do you remember New Year’s? Semi-finals January 9th and 10th.
ESPN CEO: You want me to tell you that we have a semi-final on Saturday and another match on Sunday? Let me pay for this yacht now.
Mandel: No, no. NFL weekends are for the NFL, you idiot. Two of the biggest sporting events of the year are happening on random Thursday and Friday nights after everyone has returned to work and school.
LSU Fan: So when will the tournament be held? As you know, we have a very realistic expectation that our team will win the national championship every year.
Mandel: Same usual Monday night, just two weeks later, on January 20. Which is Martin Luther King Day and Inauguration Day as well.
Going forward, the postseason will be bigger and longer. The College Football Playoffs will be played on Mondays, but weeks later — this season, on Jan. 20, 2025. (Michigan linebacker Colston Loveland photo: Thomas Shea/USA Today)
But wait, there’s more.
Northwest fan: Well, that was very confusing. Is there anything else unusual?
Stewart: You mean, in addition to the fact that you play your home games in a 15,000-seat lakefront lacrosse stadium with temporary bleachers? Yes, I can think of a few examples:
- CBS no longer airs the SEC Championship Game. The weekly 3:30 p.m. ET games will now air on ABC, but it won’t always be the biggest game, as ABC can now air the SEC Championship Game in prime time as well.
- Brad Nessler and Gary Danielson will now commentate the Big Ten game of the week. Most weeks, the Big Ten’s top three games will air at noon on Fox, at 3:30 p.m. ET on CBS, and at 7:30 p.m. ET on NBC.
- Army and Navy are now in the same league, the AAC, although the Army-Navy game itself remains a non-conference game.
- College football games will have a two-minute warning, so that TV networks can avoid doing this whole thing of having a commercial break before kickoff and then another commercial break.
- Coach-player communication will be allowed through the helmet. Coaches can select one player on each side (presumably the offensive quarterback), who will get a green dot on the back of their helmet. Teams can also use tablets on the sidelines.
- Of course, boosters can publicly negotiate no-fee deals with recruits, players can move as much as they want, Florida State and Clemson are suing to leave the Atlantic Coast Conference, Pitbull has a stadium named after him, and Snoop Dogg has his own bowl game.
Kansas City Fan: It can’t get any crazier than that, can it?
Mandel: Yes, that’s possible. You’re fine now.
(Top photo of SEC newcomers Texas and Oklahoma: William Purnell/Icon Sportswire via Getty)
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